Sneak Attack!

Sneak Attack is a Rogue’s best feature, and every dad has a bit of the rogue in him. I use sneak attack very rarely, but it has been very effective every time I did.

Both times I instigated a sneak attack against RPGBaby, it was well planned and perfectly timed. The first time, shortly after she began crawling, revolved around the cat’s bowls. We had warned her off them, but I saw her eyeing them.

I waited quietly, biding my time, until one afternoon she crawled toward them when she thought no one was looking. Quickly I pounced, with a 12D6 sneak attack, “No!”

The sneak attack landed home, and she released a startled cry of anguish. Many hugs later, she was convinced that we still loved her, but she never tried to take the cat food again.

The second sneak attack utilized rocks. RPGMom has a large flower stand that equips small stones for its base. After RPGBaby learned to stand and walk, a favorite game was to transfer the rocks to the floor and then put them back in the stand. We warned her against putting them in her mouth, but I felt the temptation would be too great.

This sneak attack had to be perfectly timed. As she stood, engrossed in her play, I saw her take a small stone and raise it to her opening lips. As soon as I was positive what she was doing, and before she could put the rock in her mouth, I struck, with a sharp, magical, “No!”

Again came the tears and the hugs, but she never again tried to put a rock in her mouth. In fact, she is very good about only putting foods in there.

You may think it unfair to sneak attack a level one infant, but if you experienced the sneak attacks she has gotten in with her +5 Diapers of Annihilation, you would have more sympathy.

I suppose RPGMom had a better plan with the trash can. Rather than scare RPGBaby straight, she co-opted our little one by constantly giving her things to put in the trash can. RPGBaby quickly came to associate the trash cans only with things going in, and she has never tried to take things out. In fact, she is often happy to put things in them for RPGMom. Must be a side effect of those two Charm Baby spells RPGMom has …

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